A Big Change (in self)
When I most recently decided to stop smoking, I realized something I never saw the 10-something other times. Sometimes we willingly make a large change. It's easy to live in hypothetical land ("this option is good because ... and bad because ... "), but the real strength comes out when you actually decide to go with one or the other. Then a step above that is actually sticking to what you've decided and going with it 100%, whether it's right or wrong. This is what makes confidence; and you a person.
So I've fought going to the store and buying a pack these past few days; this time it wasn't as easy simply dropping it as it has been times before. Right now I'd love to have some to smoke as I drive around with the sun setting (as it currently is) and all the windows rolled down; something I'm used to doing in this nice weather. If not that, I'd like to go stand outside for 7 1/2 minutes while I smoked one, just to be out of the house.
But my blind stubbornness is keeping me from doing that. Stubbornness usually gets a bad rap when it comes to other people, but when it's internal it is an important element for your own growth. And so what am I left with? Well, since I'm not so fond of feeling like shit (for any reason), I need to adapt. Since this new cigarette-less environment is my current one (and I don't want to be a miserable bitch), I might as well get used to it and see what I can do with where I'm at.
And on the larger scale of things (since I like the big picture), this is an extremely fundamental element for life. Change is what keeps minds, countries, planets, the universe moving. If anything remained the same for some amount of time, it would die (in some way) because it no longer has any use to the environment it is in. Atoms constantly move; stars that seem so far away are moving even more so; galaxies are forming; people are thinking; and when the forces that keep these things going cease to exist, the universe outside of it will as well.
Upon accepting what "is," whether in or outside of you, it becomes easier to move on; to keep the forces within you moving and ensuring you don't "die" from a lack of expression or stimulation that otherwise keeps your mind (and you) going.
I think I'll go for a drive.
Something out of Nothing
Going along with my earlier thoughts about cultivating the growth of my mind, I started wondering of a way to come up with new ideas without the need for an external idea, such as that from another person. I couldn't think of any way to create something new in my mind, large enough to grab onto and run with. I also can't think of any idea I've ever had in my life without some kind of knowledge about something else that helped me formulate this new idea.
And then I posted a tweet where I was about to go on a tangent about something and I realized that by writing an idea down or otherwise outputting some kind of information from my mind, it becomes a new piece of information from which new ideas can be formed. This recursive process can help new ideas based on new ideas etc. etc.
This says a lot about the mind. If the mind was the only thing in existence--no other minds, no trees or planets or universe--it would have nothing to do, no way to grow or develop or establish new things and, I think, it wouldn't even exist in the first place. It seems like the mind works in twos. Alone it just is. No growth, nothing new, just a single speck. With another thought--something as simple as a sound--a chain-reaction is set off and new ideas are created. Over the years, the very thoughts that created what we currently know at an older age become buried by the constant events that are happening right now. But they all started somewhere. And future ones will do the same.
Positive and Negative
This is life in a nutshell: you and the world. Inside you, there are two classifications of thought: positive and negative. Inside the world, you have an infinite amount of you's, each with an infinite amount of thoughts that fit these two classifications except you don't have control of these you's (we'll call them external you's).
You are like a points system. Positive thoughts give you a point and negative thoughts take away two points-- one for the negativity and one because the effortless nature of negative thoughts dictates that you have room for one more negative thought. Naturally, this is a recursively repeating downward spiral.
Negative thoughts don't get the credit they deserve in our world; in fact, they almost always sneak completely below the radar. On an individual basis, negative thoughts are the creators of depressing music; they're the birth of sad movies, paintings, and stories. They're the synthesis of your own negative thoughts and/or negative thoughts from external you's (and only these two things). On a broader scale, they're what most religions would define as "evil." And they come so easily because they are humanity's "default" setting. They are the things that happen to you that make you change yourself (for the worse), rather than enforce your current behavior. In psychology, they're appropriately named negative punishment. In philosophy, they're named subconscious motivations. These are the things that "just happen" early on and by the time you reach adolescence they have become a part of you.
Positive thoughts are the ones that build you up. They are the birth of smiles. They are the birth of laughter. They are a product of freedom from yourself and the world around you. Most of the time, however, they are so fleeting that they only last in these short moments of joy and laughter. And it is the nature of these transient thoughts that makes them the most rare of thoughts that can be thunk-- it makes positivity so rare that it can hardly be said to exist in our world at all.
So, ultimately, you have two ways to view life (since it is all relative to you): positive or negative. If positive thoughts are more appealing, know that they need to be fought for. If you're in the opposite side of the spectrum, step outside of you and view yourself as if you are really an external you. You simply need to realize where you are in relation to where you want to be.
At the end of the day, all that needs to be remembered is this: life is simple. People are complicated. Complication always overpowers simplicity, which is why our world/life "is" so complex. It doesn't have to be for you.
