Late Night Fiction One man’s adventures through life

Attention

Thinking a lot tonight, and not quite worried about things-- just wondering for a solution. Almost thought I needed to explain myself for my changes. I want a meaningful relationship with another human being-- but not like the world views it. How I want it-- that's how I want it. I only say things when I'm in a comfortable situation and that's becoming even less now that I've distanced myself from close friends from being beat down by their continuing negative thoughts.

I'm stronger than that. What I require isn't anything I've done or thought before; it's time for new territory. I've reached my plateau where as previously I only spoke off experience and theory. This is why I hate stability; I want to improve but I'm in this world where everything is comfortable-- the lake is calm and there is nothing to be seen once it gets old (after 30 seconds). So this new goal I'm striving for is a relationship with people. I'm likable as ever, but nothing interesting like I know I am. I know it goes against what I've thought before, that I want to be free so I don't need people to validate me. But that was only theory.

I need to do something about it; maybe try to listen for once; not just blankly listen and vapidly encouraging their behavior. I'm tired of safe-- scary, sure; but that's for you. A loss of safety is a gain in freedom.

...I can't even develop that thought because all that erupts in my mind is the people who would disagree with that statement. There are too many of those.

So I'm alone in some of my thoughts, at least as far as my experience has shown me. But I'm relatable in the experiences that have explained how people work. And all people require is a bit of attention, my tonight-mind feels. Give and it's returned, whether they like it or not. Since I'm one of the mob, I need it too. I can get it by letting my energy glow-- or at least that's what I'm banking on. Fuck that, I'm not concerned. These things come-- not because a force outside of me or any other person dictates so; but because I put myself out into the world-- and the other humans react. And then something new is born; a synthesis of human actions.