Something Free
I was thinking about the post I made yesterday and decided to evolve that concept today. Since I find nature as a good way to provide answers to the inner-workings of my mind (being created out of it and all), I went to the river nearby that was flooding the nearby roads due to all the rain we've had recently.
While it's good that I don't need a pat on the back for every new action I do, it's still too constraining on me to need people around to simply perceive my actions. So, how do I give myself this validation without actually getting the validation? I instantly realized that it didn't involve validation at all-- I just need to do things as if no one is around and simply enjoy it. At the time I related it to the river's water: the surface of the water looked as if it was a surface with this life that moved beneath it; this energy. And this energy that moves beneath the surface of the water and creates waves travels down stream, and from where I was sitting, into the shore. Now if I was this ball of energy that propels the waves to crash into the shore, I might be compelled--seeing the shore and my impending doom--to want to stop; to travel no longer.
But that would be boring. Stability is overrated in my book because nothing happens when everything is stable. So, following in the wave's essential footsteps, I would rather crash into the shore and enjoy the results. The wave moves back into the stream once it can go no further and those pebbles on the shore have been changed forever because of that wave's actions; everyone wins (me being the wave and the pebbles being other people).
That works. I can handle events such as these because that's what we humans live for; no event that doesn't kill me is truly "bad." But what about when I'm just in the stream? This is what I was struggling with-- no events are occurring, or at least not ones strong enough to distract me from myself. But I'm really traveling through the world; there are things all around-- near and far; and it doesn't take much to see it all when you know how to.
So finally, what am I if I don't need people to tell me what I am? I'm a floating orb of energy. By nature, I hit dead-ends and bounce off to go in a different direction; I go around rocks that block part of my intended course; I even pick up smaller rocks in my stream that I have enough force over, but I never really control them-- they'll always go their own route, just as I do. I'm alone but comfortable. In my instability I'm stable. Nature dictates the power I have over myself (infinite), and I get to enjoy it.
I like that.
The Human Experience
We should all think twice about our existence. Not everything that is accepted by the crowd is true. The measurement of time and space could simply be a product of our intellect, just as state lines or manufacturing processes for Twinkies are. Our universe could be a tiny electrical spark in someone's mind-- a fleeting thought. We could contain an infinite amount of universes in our own minds. There's too much we don't know about the world we live in to not give what we "know" a second glance. Think. Step outside the norms and "proofs" and consider something only few dare to share with the world.
It's not comfortable. And it's not easy. But it's liberation. It's the closest you can come to heaven without dying. Embrace the thoughts and understand the power you hold simply in your mass of neural connections stored in what you know as your skull. Embrace something you don't know or what is not widely accepted and you will be unbound from the world you know as reality.
You're not the most important thing in the world. You may not have an inherent meaning. But meaning gets assigned as it is learned and experienced, simply by existing as an intellectual being. Run with this and don't let the dark places in your mind overpower the positive, because they will always be the first to occur to you. Nothing bad will ever happen to you in life unless you view it as such.
This is all part of the human experience-- stay thirsty, my friends.
This is why I don’t like society
When it comes down to it, I have one basic complaint about society. We spend the rest of our lives that we aren't so easily manipulated by it dealing with what it has made us into. So instead of living (granted, it doesn't make that very easy anyways), we are stuck wondering why everything doesn't work out for us or how to make the best of some situation we're in or anything you, as a human being, occupy your thoughts with when it concerns yourself.
And it makes life into such a waste of existence because half the time, we're too focused on the bullshit of our environment that we can't focus on ourselves or actually taking advantage of our existence that has been so shortened by society. And if we can just be free from the environmental standards and expectations on an individual basis, we can truly live rather than simply exist.
That's what I really want.
Making Friends
It seems like I only wake up in a good mood when I’ve spent the night before with people I really enjoy. Other times it’s just a mediocre night, a mediocre day. But my mood this morning got me thinking about how it’s easiest to make friends when you don’t have them. When you have friends, you might gain a sort of lackadaisical attitude: you’re set, you have friends already so why would you need more? I’m not entirely like this, I like to go out and make new friends constantly. But even with this attitude of trying to make new friends as much as possible, there are some unavoidable facets that come with having friends.
It’s like this: if I go to dinner with friends as opposed to being by myself, no stranger is going to approach me and vice-versa. Therefore, no new friends on that occasion. If I’m walking down the sidewalk and see a friend, I may stop and talk with them—for longer if I’m alone than already with friends, more than likely.
There are some philosophical implications I’ve been just gaining knowledge of lately that have to do with this. Seneca, in arguing that life isn’t short if you know how to take advantage of it, basically said that we don’t live when our time is taken up by preoccupations; we simply exist. By preoccupations, he means people, money, trying to achieve a life of leisure, basically things that take away time from yourself and doing what you want to do. People are obviously a big perpetrator of this. Think about all the times you’ve spent waiting on someone to get ready or even “getting ready†when instead you could be out doing what you’re getting ready to do or anything else.
This all comes back to being your own person. Life really should be about living for yourself in my opinion, and just because that makes you a perceivably “selfish†person doesn’t mean it’s wrong; the day you become a douche bag about it is the day it becomes wrong. I think I’m going to take a break from my normal friends, as I have this weekend, and see where life takes me—do my own thing like always, just officially (as far as they’re concerned).
Best Policy
When you realize you don't know everything about yourself, I've found the best policy is simply fuck it. Live on impulses. If you feel like doing something, grab a hold of that feeling and ride it. You'll come to embody the mess that you (along with the rest of the human race) are and in being different, you'll be understood on a level that most people won't get until further down the road.
So fuck it. Live. Don't get caught up in the mediocrity of the social world and do your own thing. In the end it'll work out and along the way you'll be happy. That is the best policy.
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