Late Night Fiction Avoiding the “kool-aid” everyone likes so much

13Nov/090

Losing “You” Time

Since two days ago, I've felt like I hit a low point and came off my natural high that lasted a cigarette-less week. I've finally found where I'm happiest at this point in my life-- when I have no one too close to me (my main concern being women). I keep friends close and I do my own thing but I don't let them in past the point where they begin to actually control me-- this is the happy medium that I always look for in situations.

Well, there's this lady that I've been talking to lately; we've both been blatantly digging each other, but until the other day I was still on top of things. The night before I woke up feeling lost and confused, upon departing her abode I began questioning myself on my actions. As I've learned, this is usually where things go downhill for me mental-state-wise. I first thought I felt so shitty and was back at square one simply because I began questioning myself. But then I realized that it was because I was devoting a piece of my conscious thought to another person.

This doesn't seem terrible at first glance-- caring for a loved one, friend, significant other, etc. But at this certain point in my evolution, it's treacherous. I'm so focused on doing my own thing and therefore becoming more solid in myself and who I am that the second I let someone else severely occupy my thoughts (where there's no solution I can find on my own to my uncertainty, such as in my over-analyzation of previous events), I lose it. I sink in this river of life (or rather people) that I'm attempting to stay afloat in.

So, how to prevent this? I'd need to recognize when I'm going down a road of answers I'll never find without external assistance. This, of course, takes experience in going down those roads and therefore having those days when I have to go without breathing my own fresh air above the water. And even after enough experience, people can always find new ways to attach a weight to me to bring me down-- it'll just be easier and the amount of time I spend drowning will be reduced.

So there it is.

Tagged as: , , , No Comments
8Nov/090

Making Friends

It seems like I only wake up in a good mood when I’ve spent the night before with people I really enjoy. Other times it’s just a mediocre night, a mediocre day. But my mood this morning got me thinking about how it’s easiest to make friends when you don’t have them. When you have friends, you might gain a sort of lackadaisical attitude: you’re set, you have friends already so why would you need more? I’m not entirely like this, I like to go out and make new friends constantly. But even with this attitude of trying to make new friends as much as possible, there are some unavoidable facets that come with having friends.

It’s like this: if I go to dinner with friends as opposed to being by myself, no stranger is going to approach me and vice-versa. Therefore, no new friends on that occasion. If I’m walking down the sidewalk and see a friend, I may stop and talk with them—for longer if I’m alone than already with friends, more than likely.

There are some philosophical implications I’ve been just gaining knowledge of lately that have to do with this. Seneca, in arguing that life isn’t short if you know how to take advantage of it, basically said that we don’t live when our time is taken up by preoccupations; we simply exist. By preoccupations, he means people, money, trying to achieve a life of leisure, basically things that take away time from yourself and doing what you want to do. People are obviously a big perpetrator of this. Think about all the times you’ve spent waiting on someone to get ready or even “getting ready” when instead you could be out doing what you’re getting ready to do or anything else.

This all comes back to being your own person. Life really should be about living for yourself in my opinion, and just because that makes you a perceivably “selfish” person doesn’t mean it’s wrong; the day you become a douche bag about it is the day it becomes wrong. I think I’m going to take a break from my normal friends, as I have this weekend, and see where life takes me—do my own thing like always, just officially (as far as they’re concerned).

Tagged as: , , , No Comments
16Oct/090

“Hit me up”

As someone who likes to do their own thing, I like to tell people to hit me up later on as opposed to telling them I will do so. This is for a few reasons.

I like to do what I want to do. If I feel like sitting in my room watching Futurama or making music, I'll do so. And unless it's someone I'd drop almost anything for (usually a lady friend), I don't want to be disturbed. This means I won't call anyone because, again, I'm doing my thing and that's the way I'd like to keep it. I'm happy with that.

So essentially, people have to let me know they want to hang out. You can't control anyone, so I know if I get the inkling to hang out with someone they may or may not want to. The same goes for me. And usually, I may say I'll hit you up just out of some kind of made-up obligation I feel. Which means I won't actually hit you up later. In fact, I only will if I suddenly get the impulse to be around someone-- usually to occupy some time. Because if it's a guy friend, I'm just trying to shoot the shit for a bit. Talk about what happened during the day over a cigarette or something. If it's a lady friend, I'm probably trying to get to know her or just have some fun. This can mean naked fun, too.

My point here is that, well, you should hit me up. And I think this is the way things go for most people. We like to pretend otherwise, but we're all very selfish creatures at the base of us all. So accepting this fact just makes life that much easier. Yep.

Tagged as: , , , No Comments
   

Archives

Categories

Twitters

    Tags

    animations beauty blogging change college death desires development FlashStuf freedom friends growth human behavior human nature Internet language liberation Life living man-made Matt Baer Design media mind mindsets motivations Music parents people perspectives politics positivity Random relationships religion self-discovery Slippery Slide of Death society subconscious surroundings thought time universe vacation values videos

    Blogroll

    My Sites

    Meta