Late Night Fiction Avoiding the “kool-aid” everyone likes so much

Losing “You” Time

Since two days ago, I've felt like I hit a low point and came off my natural high that lasted a cigarette-less week. I've finally found where I'm happiest at this point in my life-- when I have no one too close to me (my main concern being women). I keep friends close and I do my own thing but I don't let them in past the point where they begin to actually control me-- this is the happy medium that I always look for in situations.

Well, there's this lady that I've been talking to lately; we've both been blatantly digging each other, but until the other day I was still on top of things. The night before I woke up feeling lost and confused, upon departing her abode I began questioning myself on my actions. As I've learned, this is usually where things go downhill for me mental-state-wise. I first thought I felt so shitty and was back at square one simply because I began questioning myself. But then I realized that it was because I was devoting a piece of my conscious thought to another person.

This doesn't seem terrible at first glance-- caring for a loved one, friend, significant other, etc. But at this certain point in my evolution, it's treacherous. I'm so focused on doing my own thing and therefore becoming more solid in myself and who I am that the second I let someone else severely occupy my thoughts (where there's no solution I can find on my own to my uncertainty, such as in my over-analyzation of previous events), I lose it. I sink in this river of life (or rather people) that I'm attempting to stay afloat in.

So, how to prevent this? I'd need to recognize when I'm going down a road of answers I'll never find without external assistance. This, of course, takes experience in going down those roads and therefore having those days when I have to go without breathing my own fresh air above the water. And even after enough experience, people can always find new ways to attach a weight to me to bring me down-- it'll just be easier and the amount of time I spend drowning will be reduced.

So there it is.