Late Night Fiction One man’s non-fiction

Making Decisions for the Best Outcome

We all do this. Most of us do. Before making a decision, big or small, that's going to involve a possible risk, we try to gather all the information about the decision and do our best to have the greatest outcome possible come out of our decision-making. Let me be more specific.

I've wanted to stay single for over a year now and I've been quite successful at it. Over the past month or so, a girl has come into my life that was no more than a friend at first, but recently became more. And then she wanted commitment. Now I thought, why don't I want commitment? Well, I didn't want to potentially waste my time with a possible badly-chosen girlfriend. I didn't want to be tied down while I'm in college (of all places). I didn't want to risk losing a good friend. I didn't want the obligations that usually come with relationships to enter into my life again. But, after a bit of deliberation, we decided to date.

What's the moral here? I was so concentrated on making a good choice with this girl that I couldn't make one at all. I was focused on all these intangible things that really shouldn't have any bearing on who I choose to date. Essentially, it sets you free from yourself. You get chained down by your own mind and free-will becomes non-existent. I took a completely uncalculated risk: I decided to date her, without truly knowing anything about whether or not the relationship would be one I wanted. The other week (before all this), I had to pee in the local fountain at 3am (without being under any substance) to feel the same kind of freedom. For one thing, there was no reason for me to pee in public, in clear view of all the surrounding buildings, with cops riding around on bikes; and I didn't even have to pee that bad. But I did it because it was complete 50/50. It could turn out good or it could turn out bad.

Coincidentally, the day after I decided to go out with my (now) girlfriend, we started to talk about Zen Buddhism in my philosophy class, and the theory of "aiming but not aiming." Basically what this means is being able to set goals for yourself and find the best way to achieve them (the first aiming), but at the same time, avoiding focusing on the outcomes so much that you fail to enjoy/fully experience the present. And that's what it is truly about. If you spend all your time focusing on the outcome of your decision, you'll never be able to enjoy not only the risks, but everything else that comes with them.

By the way, it's been a week, and it's looking like I made the right decision.