Late Night Fiction Or is it?

24Jul/080

The “Moment” in Action

Continuing a bit from my last post here, assuming it all made sense. We'll pretend it did. Alright, well that's all fine and dandy, but what about putting it into action? That's a little harder to do. What if the current situation you're in, at this moment, isn't good? It's natural that we'd want to remember the past or possibly hope for the future when this is the case. For example, if a loved one dies, we want to remember them and everything they've brought to our life. The present sucks, frankly, so why would we want to concentrate on that when it brings more joy to us to just stay in the past, remembering? Seems like a dead end.

It doesn't have to be. Yes, the present isn't good. But what about the ways in which the person affected your life? The things you learned from them, and how they might have shaped you into becoming who you are today? You're a better person now. Ah, that brings us back to the present. Thinking of those things can actually make you think of the present, and it might even make you feel better that you are better off because of that; because of the person.

Now what if it's for the future? For example, you're working at a job that you hate. The people suck, your boss sucks, you don't want to wake up every morning just because you have to go to work. You could hope for the future: "Maybe things will get better." Again, the present isn't good. But what about the things you could do in your free time to make that dream of becoming a musician, or becoming your own boss, or just doing what you love to do, come true? You can start taking action, and this is where the future is different from the past-- it hasn't happened yet, and therefore it can be changed. And the only way to cause any kind of change at all? Action and action only. Thoughts, dreams, and hopes exist only in your head and nowhere else. They can influence your actions, but it's only when these things are converted into actions that change actually begins to happen.

Making the leap from your current mind-set to this kind of thinking can be a bigger gap to jump for some than it is for others. And if it is hard to begin with, start smaller. Start switching your gears from listening to, analyzing what's in your head, to what is really happening at that exact moment. Realize that the only thing that is real is what is happening this moment. By this time it's more than likely habit for you to think ahead or reminisce when the present starts to go for the worse. But habits are more easily broken if you consciously think about your actions, or in this case, your thoughts, at the moment they are actually happening.

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9Jul/080

the itch

Maybe it's the desire to share. The feeling that you have so much in your head that you have to let it off your chest. The thought that other people could benefit from your own thoughts. The feeling that I should stop writing in fragments. I'm talking about the reason I love writing; and the reason I've been doing it so much on this site. I believe they call it an itch.

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7Jul/080

In the midwest

I'll start a new category here. I'm up in Wisconsin for the week, until the 14th at which point I return to Virginia. I misplaced my cell phone charger so I won't have that on very much, especially not while I'm sitting by the lake. IMG_1228

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4Jul/081

Anticipation of the future

Our favorite thing to do. Sometimes it helps us to be happy, anticipating a good day ahead or good things for the future. Sometimes it drives us nuts with the anticipation of the worst possible scenario we can come up with in our heads. But why? We need answers. Hello religion, hello natural scientific inquiry, hello mom ("I need some advice"). The unknown, certain unknowns, make us crazy. Just by the unknown's very nature it can do this. It's damned weird if you ask me.

So why does it drive us so crazy? Well, I'm smart... I'm missing some pieces and don't understand something... So following that logic, what the hell is "wrong" with me? Nothing. You just don't have the knowledge of this particular subject you're inquiring about and if you had a few less expectations in your life well you wouldn't have this problem. But since you do, sit down and be patient. There's no use wasting your current time thinking about the future, especially when it has expectations tied to it.

What do I mean by this. We could agree that we humans don't know everything. We don't even know time. Then again, we created it. But regardless of that, every moment that passes (note a moment isn't a set amount of "time") moves into the past. We think we know the past through our minds, through memories, smells and sights and sounds linked to memories, but we really don't know it. For all we know we could have dreamt it.

The future. We can only imagine it. In some special cases, we can dream it, but that's about it. We can anticipate and come up with things that coincide with our desires, whether good or bad, to prepare ourselves so that perhaps the blow of this event happening is less hard, whether this is intentional or not.

So what are we left with? The present. It is the only thing we can be sure about. We can know that right now, you are reading the word "word" and hearing the low hum of a computer fan and smelling whatever smell might be in the air and touching a computer mouse perhaps. It is absolute-- it is completely positive. So, coming full-circle here, why spend the most certain moments of your life trying to draw conclusions from the most undetermined? Live not only for the moment, but for the present.

4Jul/080

My Grand Theft Auto Experience

I picked up my first-ever GTA game the other day, after hearing how good it was and now that I have an Xbox 360. Again this was the first GTA game I've owned or actually played in length (as in, not just going around shooting hookers). The first time I popped the game in, I played for 3 hours straight. I couldn't put it down. The free-roaming nature of the world, everything in this Liberty City was everything I could ever want in a video game. Once I got the driving down and could more easily get away from the cops, I started zipping through the middle of two-lane streets, maybe ramming a few cars on the way if they cut me off, and pointing guns at innocent people that drove nice cars.

After three late nights of GTA being my "goodnight snack" that I devoured before going to bed, I started to notice it seeping into real life. I woke up one morning, heading to school as usual--in no hurry-- and the urge came upon me to drive right around the car in front of me, into oncoming traffic, on this two-lane road. This occurred right after leaving my house, only about a minute into being in the car. I just imagined vividly in my head how I could just zip around them.

3Jul/080

New blog

I just can't seem to get enough of this blogging business. I made this in order to be a little more informal and be able to separate my random talkings about FlashStuf or Vista from my thoughts of how sometimes I think I'm the only sane person I know. A little Matt-philosophy if you will. So here I am.

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